Monday, October 11, 2004
I'm reading the latest book by my favourite author... oh yeah... I'm slightly drunk, so excuse any more extreme than usual typos.Anyway... I'm not gonna say who the author is, or what the book's called, coz I'm about to toss out a huge spoiler, and that would just ruin it for anyone who happened to be reading it. There's logic in there somewhere... trust me.
So you have this race of truly ancient aliens living in gas giant planets all round the galaxy who live for billions of years... not just the race, but the individuals. Okay, anyone actually reading the same book knows exactly what I'm talking about, so if you havent reached half way yet, stop reading right now.
Anyone left?
All of you... good. I'll continue.
So, they're ancient, and wise beyond your imagination, and a bunch of drunken cantankerous, bumbling, seemingly incompetant, awkward old gits who never tell the truth about anything when they can tell a perfectly good lie, since no-one else has been around long enough to tell them its not true.
Anyway.
Picture the scene... they're holding a race (it just happens to be being held in the middle of a war zone, but thats beside the point right now) and the racing craft are kinda like sailing ships that catch the 'wind', sailing round the inside edge of a great storm... like the red spot on jupiter. Gambling on the outcome is a big thing.
So, the race is underway, when out of no-where come a load of high tech space craft from the local stellar system (I wont go into why this is happening, but suffice to say these craft are pretty heavy duty shit).
The initial response of the gas giant aliens is to fire on the hi-tech craft with the equvalient of world war one battleships. Needless to say, these got well and truly creamed.
So just when you think all is lost, coz they're so obviously outclassed, a fleet of super hi-tech souped up ww1 style warships come steaming in through the wall of the storm, like the cavalry coming to the rescue, and you think 'okay, maybe they have a chance', only for the invading craft to hurl a load of nukes at them. (Remember, this is all happening at a race meeting, so the aliens start taking bets on who's gonna win.)
Battleships duly nuked, you think its all over, when out of the depths of the gas giant's atmosphere comes a small planet sized... 'thing'... that simply blows all the hi-tech invading ships to shit in a matter of half a second.
Aaaanyway.... entertaining as all this is, the bit that really cracked me up, after hundreds, or maybe even thousands of lives have been lost.... the response of the gas giant aliens was to wonder if the race was gonna continue, or be postponed, and would their bets be honoured?
Good stuff. This guy never fails to make me laugh.
Labels: books
Steve 8:59 PM [+]
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